A ode to bad days
Today was a bad day,
Everything went wrong and my will power disappeared,
Don’t give up they say,
Once I have cheated on a diet will I be able to start again I feared.
OK, I suck at poetry. Although I always thought it would be a cool thing to be a slam poet.
Today was not a good day. I am not happy with myself. I am however trying very hard to not be so hard on myself, but also knowing my history of “breaking a diet” and never being able to get back on it again, I am a little worried.
The day just started off bad from the start.
I woke up this morning and headed to the gym to do a run. It’s day 2, week 6 of my running program and I have to get my runs in. I have a lot going on in the evenings this week so I dragged myself out of bed to go running. I hate early mornings. I had stayed up until 12 pm hanging out with bae and doing some work and getting my life in order and I know I should have gone to be earlier, but hanging out with my man friend is literally my favourite thing to do. Especially when we are just at home, in a comfortable environment doing out own things but just being in each others spaces. I love it. Anyways, I went to bed at 12 and then I woke up at 5am and then finally got out of bed at 5:30 and to the gym at 6am.
Whilst starting my 5 min warm-up walk I was already talking myself out of my run and trying to plan how and when I could get in another run to be able to skip this. Then the running part started. 10 mins of running, which doesn’t seem like a lot but it’s the longest run I have done since starting this 5km program. I did it, but I hated every single step, my epic playlist didn’t help and I just thought “come on Justine, keep on going till you can walk” then the walk came, 3 mins… What a slap in the face, that isn’t enough time for my to recover and get my mind right, then the next run started another 10mins. I hated it you guys. I tried to be my usual super strict self and run for the full 10 mins but I only lasted 4min for the second run until walking for 2 to 3 mins and then running the rest and doing a 5 min cool down.
Then things got worse, my eating program is super strict and one cheat can set you back a week because it all works on grown hormone and getting your blood to a point where it is burning fat blah blah blah. I needed plain low fat yogurt for breakfast and thought I would just pop in at the Woolies and get, they didn’t have and I had to have 175ml of Strawberry yogurt which was delicious but so not good (sugar for days!). Then I ate all my snacks for day before 10am, and then carried on eating Provita like a 5 yr old who has no control over their mind yet. It’s been bad, I am trying not to hate myself for being so weak that I can’t stick to a simply diet and reassure myself that I can indeed start tomorrow, but it’s hard and I was doing so well (5.8kgs down since the 1st of Jan) this is going to slow down my progress and make me have to be on it for a longer time period until I can go back on my beloved Weight Watchers and maintain a normal live (and drink wine)
The reason why I thought I would share this blog post is that I very rarely talk about my food addiction (but unlike a drug, I can’t just give it up) and how eating has such control over my whole life. It’s what I do when I am happy, sad bored and not in the right mind frame. However this year I am going to try be easier on myself, brush the dirt from my shoulders and carry on. One bad day does not make it a bad life.
So if you have had a bad day, have binged eaten or not been able to finish you program it’s ok. Same thing happened to me, just brush it off don’t over indulge and carry on the next day.
That’s all for now, this was more a rant to myself and trying to ease my mind and therefore myself for abusive binge eating to punish my body and make reaching my goals so much harder.
I feel like this blog post is all over the place, but thats what happens when I word vomit.
Punky and her bad fat day.